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I first met my boyfriend a year ago. We both started working for the same company and were in the same group/team. I fell for him right away. He’s incredibly handsome, well spoken, and charming. I thought he was perfect and had a crush on him since the beginning.
This March, he broke up with his girlfriend “Alice”. A month later, he asked me out and we started dating. He never really mentioned Alice at first but started talking more about her afterwards. He told me that they began dating over 2 years ago, when she was 16 and he was 20. I think that should have been the first red flag, but I ignored it because I was so enamoured with him. Funny thing is, he never told me WHY they broke up, he just said stuff like, “she was really immature” and “we weren’t compatible.”
Yesterday I lost my phone so I asked my BF if I could use his to locate it. He was like, yeah sure whatever and handed his phone to me. When I got it, an Instagram notification came up reading “<Alice’s IG username> replied to your comment.” So I clicked on it and saw the comment which she had replied to. It was a picture of Alice hugging another guy, and he had written a series of 5 or 6 comments, all saying stuff like, “did u f-ck him too? f-cking slut” and “I hope he gives u gonorrhea” and “are those wrinkles? you’re starting to look old”. I looked at his account and he had used an anonymous one to comment all these things.
I don’t think Alice knows that it’s him, because shes a model and has a lot of followers on Instagram (like 50k+) and so I guess she’s used to these sorts of comments. Her reply to him was simply “stop commenting on my posts you piece of sh-t”.
Anyways, I confronted him right away and showed him the post. I asked whether he had written those comments and he just shrugged and said, “yeah.” I then asked him why he was harassing Alice and he replied with, “Calm down, it’s not a big deal.” and that he did it to “relieve stress”. I asked him how long he’d been doing this for. He was like, “Ever since we broke up.” (!!)
The thing that bothered me the most was how utterly unfazed he was…like writing abusive comments on your ex-girlfriends Instagram posts was the most normal thing in the world to do after a break up. I was a bit disgusted with him, to be honest, and went home. He kept on calling and texting me throughout the afternoon accusing me of overreacting and telling me to stop blowing it out of proportion.
I don’t know what to do. My perception of my boyfriend has been shattered. I used to think he was this charming, awesome guy but now I’m SO put off by his behaviour, especially his nonchalance and dismissal of the situation. What does this say about him? Should this be an instant dealbreaker or am I overreacting?