I’m in a relationship that other people would kill for. My boyfriend of two years is my favorite person and I don’t doubt we’re going to have a wonderful marriage. I also don’t want to break up because of that problem, that would be just silly. I already had my fair share of partners (casual and not) for over a decade, so I know very well what I want and need. So does he.
My only concern is my control over those feelings. Three years ago, some shit happened and I developed PTSD and severe depression, which I have overcome for the most part, but there’s still some work to do. During this time, I moved to another part of the country and lost all of my friends. My family doesn’t really care. For a few months, I had nobody by my side to help me through it. Then I met my current boyfriend, who was the first and only one to accept my head problems. He provided enough love for both of us, so I was able to regain some control over my life. I couldn’t make new friends because I keep having bad days every other week, which drives away pretty much everyone (I don’t whine during those times, I’m just not… entertaining or interesting because I’m too busy crying).
I did manage to get closer to my bf’s new friends though. I confessed that I wouldn’t be able to keep them entertained all of the time due to the breakdowns, but somehow they wanted to become even closer friends. They just… like me anyway, even though I’m broken. This makes me so happy that my mind started going wild. I fell hard for every single one of those three people, and I hate it. I can’t keep myself from admiring their niceness, their intelligence, their cute good-people-faces… I feel the urge to grab them and keep them forever. I want sex. And that’s just fucked up. I often refuse to go out with them because I don’t want to intensify those stupid feelings. I don’t want to act like a friend when all I can think about is how I want them to love me more. But they’re the best thing that happened to me for a long time. 🙁 Should I stop going out with them until I learned to control myself better? Should I tell my boyfriend about those feelings?